Boom! Just like that.

And then I'm 31.

My mom took this picture of me reacting to my birthday cake (26 Oct 2019)

What can I say? It's kinda depressing to be honest, knowing that I've not achieve much since the last blog post!

In fact I sort of regressed in certain areas. But let me update you (random strangers and my future kids(?)) on my life's progress:

1. I bought an apartment

So with the help of the state government, I finally got a place on my own. But it's quite burdensome to my bank account to be honest. It's currently under renovation and hope to move in some time next year (If I can afford to buy furnitures after paying for the renovations...

Home sweet home

2. That's all folks.

Seriously though. Lemme tell you about the regression part.

1. My PS4 PRO is dead.

Damn my itchy hands! I actually dismantled my PS4 Pro a few times because of jet-engine sounds coming out of the consoles (damn you Sony for making such bad ventilation) and never had an issue. Until I accidentally destroyed the wires connecting to the battery! But wait! My motherboard is spoilt too! But wait again! The optical drive is broken too! But wait! My wallet is broken.

This is my apartment after paying to fix the ps4

2. Lost some friends.

Of course, this is normal once you hit certain age. I've lost some friends. Some of them don't seem interested enough to put any effort to meet up. Some feels like their new friends are more interesting and have more similar interest. Me? I've no new friends. I just lose friends.

3. Saddest part is.

I used to have a girlfriend that is so in love with me and treats me like a king. And for years and years I took it for granted, I didn't give the same attention and love back as much as she gave me. And then one day someone came along and treated her the way she supposed to be treated.

To make it short, we are still together but it's not the same anymore. The dynamics of the relationship had changed. I'm now giving her all the love and attention I could ever muster but.. I think it's a little too late for me.

I used to feel very secure when I was with her. But not anymore. The worst feeling is to say I love you and don't get it in return. Kinda sucks. But karma's a bitch.

So I'm in limbo. It's like being with someone that have no problem leaving anytime. I'm walking on eggshells everyday. Hell, I can't even use social media anymore because it hurts seeing how the "other guy" is still interacting with her.

Shit thing is, I couldn't tell this to anyone. Literally dealing this on my own. Every. Damn. Day.

Honestly world, I missed being loved. I missed being call sweet names. I missed being missed and wanted by someone.

I never knew I can still feel so alone while being in a relationship. It's a hell of a price to pay huh?

I never thought I would say this ever. I used to see my friends getting engaged/married and having kids as a curse. But at the point of my life, I feel kinda pathetic that I'm still the way I am. 

Fking loser deserve it.