Boom! Just like that.

And then I'm 31.

My mom took this picture of me reacting to my birthday cake (26 Oct 2019)

What can I say? It's kinda depressing to be honest, knowing that I've not achieve much since the last blog post!

In fact I sort of regressed in certain areas. But let me update you (random strangers and my future kids(?)) on my life's progress:

1. I bought an apartment

So with the help of the state government, I finally got a place on my own. But it's quite burdensome to my bank account to be honest. It's currently under renovation and hope to move in some time next year (If I can afford to buy furnitures after paying for the renovations...

Home sweet home

2. That's all folks.

Seriously though. Lemme tell you about the regression part.

1. My PS4 PRO is dead.

Damn my itchy hands! I actually dismantled my PS4 Pro a few times because of jet-engine sounds coming out of the consoles (damn you Sony for making such bad ventilation) and never had an issue. Until I accidentally destroyed the wires connecting to the battery! But wait! My motherboard is spoilt too! But wait again! The optical drive is broken too! But wait! My wallet is broken.

This is my apartment after paying to fix the ps4

2. Lost some friends.

Of course, this is normal once you hit certain age. I've lost some friends. Some of them don't seem interested enough to put any effort to meet up. Some feels like their new friends are more interesting and have more similar interest. Me? I've no new friends. I just lose friends.

3. Saddest part is.

I used to have a girlfriend that is so in love with me and treats me like a king. And for years and years I took it for granted, I didn't give the same attention and love back as much as she gave me. And then one day someone came along and treated her the way she supposed to be treated.

To make it short, we are still together but it's not the same anymore. The dynamics of the relationship had changed. I'm now giving her all the love and attention I could ever muster but.. I think it's a little too late for me.

I used to feel very secure when I was with her. But not anymore. The worst feeling is to say I love you and don't get it in return. Kinda sucks. But karma's a bitch.

So I'm in limbo. It's like being with someone that have no problem leaving anytime. I'm walking on eggshells everyday. Hell, I can't even use social media anymore because it hurts seeing how the "other guy" is still interacting with her.

Shit thing is, I couldn't tell this to anyone. Literally dealing this on my own. Every. Damn. Day.

Honestly world, I missed being loved. I missed being call sweet names. I missed being missed and wanted by someone.

I never knew I can still feel so alone while being in a relationship. It's a hell of a price to pay huh?

I never thought I would say this ever. I used to see my friends getting engaged/married and having kids as a curse. But at the point of my life, I feel kinda pathetic that I'm still the way I am. 

Fking loser deserve it.

Whore?

The word "whore" sure has change it's meaning these past years. It used to be a word for prostitute but nowadays the meaning of the word is now "addict".

Example, you take a lot picture of yourself and people starts calling you a cam-whore. If you love to beat up weak kids then you are a bully-whore. You love McDonalds? McWhore. If you always have sex with random people then people will call you just-a-whore. If your friend also have alot of random sex, then you best call your friend just-another-whore.

But on the subject on taking pictures. Notice those fellas in your Facebook that changes their profile pictures all the time ? Yup! Those are not only cam-whores but attention-seeking-whores. Why do I say that? Let me teach you a lesson. This is a report that I spent alot of time reporting. Heh

First of all to understand the "victims" I put myself in their shoes/heels and I think to myself questions like:

"Why do I keep taking pictures of myself so much?"

"How come I keep changing my profile picture?"

"It is because my face is different?"

"I lost a nose hole?"

"Do I feel good when people "likes" and "comments"?"

"Do I like the attention given to my handsome/beautiful/photoshopped face?"

"I have no mirrors in my house?"

And after few hours of playing Naruto on PSP, I got the answers! And I realize the victims are (please note that those in this categories are kids who changes their profile picture in less than a month of the last uploaded picture. What??? Can't survive without changing your damn picture for a month? Whore!):

1. Usually single (mostly girls), who keeps changing their picture to show whoever that is in their friend lists that they are some hot sexy momma. Let me break it down. I'll use a female victim as an example.

• Takes a picture in fancy restaurant with girlfriends. Upload. Because "omg!! I wanna show you that I don't need guys to survive cause I have my girlfriendss uh huh! xoxo gossip girls" but at the same time "hopefully guys will see that I'm single because my profile picture has no guys".
• Takes a picture with make-up on. Upload. Because "Now all the guys can the "different", "sexier" side of me. Mmhmmm <3<3". (Holy cow, this is common as the act of peeing.)
• Takes a picture in a peaceful scenery (Usually beach, mountains). Upload. Because "I'm a nature loving person therefore, I have natural beauty (gnome sayin?). So guys should totally go out with me."
• Takes a picture in a sexy dress which never worn before. Upload. Because "Now all the guys can the "different", "sexier" side of me. Mmhmmm <3<3"
• Reminder: If a person uploads all those picture at least more than a month apart, then it doesn't apply to them anymore.

2. Usually those (again, mostly girls) who just broke up, tries to put on pictures of them showing that they are "enjoying life" without the ex-partner. Again, a girl as an example:

• Takes picture of her and friends in a club. Upload. Because "SEE!!!! I'M ENJOYING LIFE WITHOUT YOU!! I DON'T NEED YOU AT ALL! HAHAHA! LOOK AT ME DANCING!"
• Takes picture of her hugging a guy in a club. Upload. Because "NAO I'M HUGGING THIS HOT DUDE!!!! WOWW IM WANTED BY MANY HEHEHE I DONT NEED YOU!!!"
• Takes picture of travelling somewhere else. Upload. Because "just to pissed the ex off"
• Tips for such victim: Honestly, we all know when you're trying too hard. So please stop.

3. Attention deprived kids. This victim uploads him/herself (mostly guys) doing "crazy stuffs" like taking a picture on toilet bowls. Peeing. Planking. And stuffs he thinks its "cool" and "hip" and "so punk rock" and "assholery". Then when people comments and praise how "crazy" is him then he feels like a "rock star" which in reality "an idiot" or "a retarded monkey".

4. Obsessive boyfriend and/or girlfriend and/or couple. This is as irritating as ants in your unwashed torn undies. Examples are:

• Pictures of dinner. I can assure you 112% about 80% of couples in your FB have this picture. The girlfriend sitting in front of a plate of food (usually some western food) holding the freaking knife and fork and smiling. Then next picture is the boyfriend's picture opening his mouth, meat in a fork/knife and pretending to eat. Why? To show you that they are a happy couple who eats together happily.
• Picture of travel or overseas (studies). Usually in a thick winter clothing, arm in arms (with occasionally sunglasses). This is to show that they are a happy couple in a cold country but still able the share the warmth from each other . And to remind you that you are alone at home and a right hand as a companion.
• Pictures of scenery. Basically its like a wedding picture. Posing together in a forest. Beach. Cemetery. Just to tell you that their "love is perfect and everlasting" like the picture which cannot be deleted because FB keeps everything forever.
• Every comment which goes "aww", "so sweet!", "you guys are perfect!" and "your gf is fat" is usually replied by (mostly the gf) ,"thanks :) <3 <3" and a boost for their love to each other. What is wrong with the world.

So the most important question. How do we end this abominations (of desolation)?

Simple. These 2 steps will changed lives!

1. We should stop click the like button! Click "report this photo" instead!

2. Stop commenting on them in their picture! Comment on how hot the "random guy" is at the corner of the picture instead!

Summary. What all victims share is the attention-whore-syndrome (AWS). So, the cure for AWS is by not giving them any attention. That will bring them back ground and make your FB page peaceful once again. Or you can delete them off.

Once again, these are my thoughts and I'm nuts.

A Guide To Freeing Your Heavy Soul

So you're having a bad day? Feeling lonely? Had a car accident and feeling very down? Got into an argument and now you're feeling sad? Having hard time at work? People just don't understand you and you're hate for being who you wanna be? Suicidal?

Feeling all that but no one to talk to? Here's a solution.

Cry.

Crying is good for your soul. Makes you feel good, and then you'll feel a lot lighter after that. And it's free! It's like a bonus free gift when God gave you your handsome body.

When you cry, every drop of tears is like your problems and stress falling out from your chiseled face. Which is why you'd feel a lot lighter after that. And you ask me why after few hours after the crying session you get sad again? Oh simple. It is because you filled the sadness up in your chippy face every time you worry or think about the past again. So after you cry. Don't dwell in the sadness or the past and look forward for the future.

Remember! You can't change the past but you sure as fart can change the ending. Gnome saying.

Here's tip for you on how to unlock this God-given superpower:

1. Think of the traumatic stuffs that made you stress and that you tried to avoid thinking the whole day. Live out that moment again and enhance the damn image x1000 then burst out into flames of water!!! Remember: After the session, let it go away forever.

2. So you're a tough ass. And you cannot cry. This needs a little bit more effort. Go watch sad movies like The Notebook. Or if you dislike romance then watch this Korean dog movie called Hearty Paw. Personally, I never cried so much watching a movie until I watched this. I cried so much and hard, my kidney went out of water.

3. So after those movie sessions you still didn't cry (you must be a heartless SOB)? Another good way is to think of stuffs that hurts you before. Like when your friends betrayed you when you were in high school. Or you know? The times when you parents said they didn't wanna have you, and you're just an accident. Or also the times when you see your friends having Playstation and all you have is just the black and white Tetris game. Oh and stuffs that your exes says about you can work as well. (Like she said,"You're worthless" because you're really worthless).

4. But if you don't have such sad events. You can even think of happy things that will make you sad. Confused? Example. Remember when you were younger and everything seems so perfect? The time where you don't worry about money and stuffs like that. And the best time of your life is when you're feeling excited on the day your best friend (who is now your enemy cause he got more money than you) is gonna come to your house to play with your Power Ranger toys? Don't you wanna cry knowing that all that is gone FOREVER? And there's no more reliving such moments EVER again? NOW YOU CRY!

5. Another way is to cut onion. But that you just cry without any soul enlightenment. Same goes with eating wasabi.

6. The best way however, its a little sincere, honest prayer to God. Oh sure you'll cry, but also feel loved and His warmth at the same time. Sucks if you don't believe in God. No cigar for you.

Always, remember crying is not limited to babies, kids and females. If it suppose to be this way then when a man reached 21 his eyes will automatically pop out. But no, a man retains his eyes for looking at girls and crying to lighten his soul.

Now, the downside of crying is:

You look ugly.

Remember! The quote "Real men don't cry" is not the full quote, it supposed to be "Real men don't cry (in public)".

Pro-tip: If you're not a kid or an old man, but an adult and you have sudden need to cry, please hide yerself.

These are all crafted by my own imaginations and no proper research is done, at all. Follow at your own risk

Confuse.

Finding Myself - Day 6

What a day with low mood. Somehow I feel humans are selfish assholes. Rarely, I come across people who really put themselves in other fella's shoe before judging them. And a lot of them only comes to you when they need something from you.

Just stuffs that I can see in my own working band. They don't fucking care if you've to play whole night so as long as THEY get the fucking applause and THEY get all the fame and glory. And I'm at the corner smacking my fucking hands off (plus fucking up my backbones every night) and nobody knows I'm there. (Not forgetting looking like a dumbass playing that box)

And the fact that they call you one of the member but you have no say in the band? Well, a middle finger to that. What I am now a damn slave?

Not giving a shit anymore. My heart isn't in there anyway.

My world is just getting uglier day by day. Seriously, stop fucking with me, whoever is controlling this piece of shit land. If there's no need for me, then don't make me wake up when I sleep tonight.

I'M A SERIOUS, DAMMIT!

Finding Myself - Day 5

Today I'm disappointed. But at least I can see a little glimpse of my future.
Today I disappoint my band members and my friends.
It's hard not to hate myself, seriously.
What the hell is wrong with me?

I keep on screwing things up to the point where I think there's some serious retardation inside me.
Are you sure you still need me, Earth?

I wish to be in hallucinations.
Silly dreams and imaginations.

Finding Myself - Day 1

Woke up feeling strange. Like as if I'm on air and feeling empty.

Sat up for a few moments not thinking of anything. Then slowly everything starts to sink back in. And with a heavy heart I sink back to bed. Talked to a Shen on MSN as he is very happy with his new job (due to the fact that his new job is just being online the whole day).

And suddenly, an old friend who has disappeared for a very long time called all the way from Australia. The bastards had been avoiding our msges and calls for a year plus and he can just call in and talk as if nothing had ever happen before. And the worst part is that we talked to him like he just called yesterday as well. Guy friends have a really strange relationship. Especially after more than 10 years of friendship.

Had a good talk. And after lunch I did the weirdest thing ever.

I exercised. No. Not those Wing Chun forms or stuffs like that. I did some serious sit-ups and push ups.

Feeling a little better I bathe and spend some time practicing my smiling skills in front of the mirror. Now the real challenge begin.

First way to look happy is to sing in the car even when you're stuck in a jam. So I sang.

Student came to class. I smile.

Friends came to visit. I smile.

Boss talks to me. I smile.

Student's mom greets. I smile.

Feeling like shit. I smile.

Yup. Congratulation Alwyn. Well done. Now let's continue this good job for the rest of your life.

So I went home, and then some friends (Kenny and Shen) picked me up from my house for dinner. First we went to Time Square and don't see anything that is worth eating.

Then we went to KFC. And after looking for the menu we decided to go McDonald's. For some private reason Shen decided to choose Greenlane's instead of Sunrise's. Ordered a family dinner box and hang out until it was about 9+.

And then we drove around singing in the car. Amazing what breakups can do to people.

Then we went to Coffee Island for a drink and talk. (And some pokemon quizes)

And Kenny drove us to nowhere, and we decided to stay together in an apartment sometime next year. And discussed about the rules and what to buy, who is cooking and what to do in the weekends. This went on for a while.

And then we went to Free School Road to see Kenny eat some dessert. Then we went home.

And then it starts. Suddenly, there's no one there to listen to my rantings about my backached or how spicy the Spicy Chicken McDeluxe is. Or how hungry I am now. And about the plans of moving in together with my friends and the place we wanted to rent. Yup, for the first time in a while now, I have no one to talk to.

Loneliness is a bitch.

And so.

My mission for Day 2:

Fake a smile - A real man doesn't display sadness even if it hurts.

Live alone - A real man will never have the need for companionship.

Finding Myself - Day 0

I fked up.

Today is suppose to be one of the happiest day of my life for finishing 3 months contract with Hard Rock Cafe. But because of my curiosity and my weakness I screwed up my life.

I dream of today many many times 3 months ago. On the last day I would jump on the drum and take an epic picture of me posing with my drum sticks. Then hang out until 3am and go home dancing and singing in my car. And celebrate it with my love.

Instead, I just cleared up my stuffs. Said goodbye to my members and left. And I drove home with tears streaming down my cheeks. And give myself a hug and tell myself, "You've done well"

What supposedly is a perfect day is gone just by one mistake. And the crappy part is I deserve this shit. I deserve every pain that is inflicting my chest. I deserve every lost of breath whenever I breathe.

I was told to find myself.

I dunno what is that or how to achieve it. But I think I'm suppose to upgrade myself.

My mission for Day 1:

Fake a smile - A real man doesn't display sadness even if it hurts.

When It Rains

Types of Students In My Drum Class

One thing I've learnt by being a drum teacher for almost 6 years is that there are different types of students with same characteristics.

1. The Normal

The Normal type students are the type of students that I consider as "normal" or "how students are suppose to be like". They come early to class, listens to instructions + understands them and also asks questions when there are things they don't understand. Practices at home by themselves alot.

Stress level: 0.5-2 out of 10

2. The Opposite

Basically they are the same as the The Normals. Only more attracted to errors. If The Opposite stays long enough and work hard enough, there are chances of them turning into The Normals. What separates them from the Normals is that The Opposites don't practice much (or at all) at home. Sometimes you wonder if they purposely continue making mistakes just to piss you off. Tsk!

Stress Level: 3-5 out of 10

3. The Silencer

This type is a very mysterious type. They don't talk much or ask any questions even when they understand or don't understand something. Classes tend very quiet and awkward. Heh.

Stress Level: 3-4 out of 10

4. The Skipper

Somehow The Skipper will disappear from time to time and then return to class suddenly and act as if nothing had changed. Excuses including sickness, no transport, sports day, too tired etc etc.

Stress Level: 2 out of 10

5. The Talker

Whoa this type loves to talk! They talk more than they play the drums. Stories usually is about their school life, gossip about they classmates (people that I don't know at all), and also jokes (which usually is not funny and I have to pretend to laugh). Some shares their family problems too.

Stress Level: 2-9 out of 10 (depending on the students' topics.. hehehe)

6. The Goodbye

Just so you know, people have to die someday. So some students took classes knowing that they are gonna fly to other countries somewhere in the future. And when the time for them to fly off comes, I get sad. Especially towards The Talker. Of cause that doesn't apply to all students. Sometimes I get abit too happy. Heh heh. Oh by the way, the sad parts only apply to students who tells me earlier before they left. Those who left without telling wont affect me much.

There are some though, who are mixture of different Types. Which sometimes double the stress level (Opposite+Silencer) and sometimes even neutralized the stress level (Normal+Talker).

Truth be told I never like teaching when I first started out. But now, I really wished to leave an impact (good or bad) in each and every single student that I taught before. Not just about drums, but about life.

So that I'll live on even after I leave earth.

Like in movies.

Types of Facebook Humans In My Facebook Friends

These days, there is an increasing rates of people that love to post their "success story of their day" on Facebook.

After observing such beings for many years, I figured out that, there are different types of Faceb(h)ookers who love to post their successful stories.

Type 1: The Sinceres

This type is quite rare on Facebook. They are really sincere and

would usually thank God (or their teacher or parents or a tree) for their successes.

Example: "Got a new high paying job today! Thank Potatoes!"

Type 2: The Show Offs.

There are plentiful of these in Facebook. And many of them disguised themselves

as The Sinceres. And most people are confused. Will get energy and boosts from many "likes" and comments that will kiss his/her ass. (Usually those who "likes" and comments are the same few friends or fans).

Example: "Got a new high paying job today. Oh yeah baby! Money money here I come for you! Hahaha!". (And sometimes end with "Thank seaweed too!")

Type 3: The Babies

Annoying little piece of shits that will continue to cry for more likes and comments. Usually happens on younger people or people who are young and achieve something that they think is "something successful"

Example: "Guess who got the new high paying job?!?! :DDDDDDDD Guess guess guess??! :DDD XD XD" (What a jerkhole right?)

Type 4: The Evils

Ahh. These one usually targets Type 1-4 types of people. (The Babies get the hardest hit) They usually update to counter another fella successes or just to piss people off by showing that they are as good or better than them. Often personal. However, The Evils might not hit the target that they intend to due to the fact that there too many people on Facebook. And people who are not targeted but too sensitive might feel the blow instead.

Example: "Oh wow someone got a new high paying job! but guess who got promoted and got the high paying job's higher paying job? guess guess guess who motherfart-"

So I've decided to blocked such people in my Facebook. So to those who are not getting any comments or likes from me. Its not that I don't care. Is that I cant see you anymore.

A Typical Day with an Orthodontist

See, every time I go to the orthodontist, I automatically have this demonic compulsive to swear. In my head. Here's the situation.

I walk into the operating room and put my ass on that fancy up and down chair. So the ortho force open my mouth and start poking and digging around, like there's gold hidden somewhere.

No hope of finding anything in this little fella

Anyway, I'll let him do all the digging, cause it don't really bothers me. Then the sucky part comes. The tightening of the wire.

Of cause, the worst part of it is that I can't see whats going on but I can FEEEEL everything!

Action: *Tighten wire*

Me in My Head: Fatting hell!! Wth was that!!

A: *Pressing of certain tooth*

MIMH: Owowow111!!

A: *Tighten wire*

MIMH: Bloody hell!! HOW MANY TIMES YOU WANNA DO THIS SHISHI!!

A: *Even Tighter*
MIMH: Mother fishing virgins! PAINNN LAAA!!!!

A: *Pressing of certain tooth*

MIMH: Hmm not too bad.

A: *Pressing of certain tooth*

MIMH: Stop it, ESSO.

A: *Pressing of certain tooth, like, super hard*

MIMH: YOUR BREAKING MY TEETH COD DAMMNITTT!!!111!

A: DONE

MIMH: All is well. I've stayed quite calm this time.

*Give an encouraging pat to myself*